Selfish Mama Matters

1.14 - Season 1 Reflections: The Selfish with Tina Unrue

• Tina Unrue • Season 1 • Episode 14

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In this episode, Tina Unrue shares her reflections of Season 1 of the podcast, focusing on three "selfish" aspects from the season, all of which had an impact on her own self-growth and evolution to her best self.

Host: Tina Unrue

Tina Unrue: I knew I wanted to enjoy this experience, not just hustle my way to a finish line so that I could, you know, end up checking a people pleasing box or a fear of judgment box. Those are no longer badges of honor that I want to wear. 

Welcome to the Selfish Mama Matters Podcast with your host, and my mom, Tina Unrue. 

Tina Unrue: Well, hello there, mamas. This is my final solo episode and it happens to be the last episode of season one. I have all the feels today and I'm hoping I don't get emotional through any of it, but we'll see where it goes. If this happens to be your first Selfish Mama Matters podcast episode, then you should know that this is the final episode in a trilogy of reflections from the season.

Today I'm focusing on the ways in which the podcast has served me and my self growth. Now, you might be a little confused then if you're new here. So let me just take a brief moment to say that my use of the term selfish does not follow the dictionary rules. Um, I choose to use that term as a way to say that we should make ourselves the center of our lives, but in the most authentic and meaningful of ways, and not just for our own self-growth and satisfaction, but as our gift to others. I believe that we are all meant to be someone specific and impactful in the world, and that we deserve to dare to be ourselves, and that that is the most beautiful way to be in the world. 

So today I'm focusing on three ways in which the podcast served me selfishly, so let's get to it. 


[00:01:56] Podcast Release Delay
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Tina Unrue: All right. The first part is the podcast release Now, one of the reflections I shared in a prior episode was the fact that I chose to delay the launch of the podcast. You can listen into episode 13 about why I delayed, and the mental drama that ensued.

The self-growth aspect of that experience is what I'm gonna focus on for this episode. I battled the pressure to stick to my initial deadline, but that pressure was self-induced. No one else directs me or my schedule or any part of my life. And as I reflect on the launch delay, I recall the initial consideration to postpone the podcast release and my immediate horror at the thought. I felt like it was just not an option. But as the deadline loomed and my milestones were not being met, I felt my stress and anxiety only grow. And I started hustling harder and compromising my self-care, like getting less sleep and not eating well, and spending less and less time with my family all in an effort to meet that deadline. And I wanna pause here and say that I'm not adverse to hard work and stress when I'm under a deadline. I've done all nighters. I've sacrificed sleep and family time in order to meet a target. And if we're being honest, just to. To pursue something that is meaningful to me or that I find enjoyable.

I have no doubt that many of you have done that too. 

I no longer wanna wear it. Instead, I wanna wear the hat of authenticity, the one that shines a light that says, I'm here to work on what's meaningful to me. And if it aligns with someone else's goals, then great, let's go. I'm all about it. But in order for that to happen, I have to be fully aware and present of how I'm showing up to my life and to all the experiences and relationships in it. And in this case, I'd lost sight of how and why I was doing the podcast. So it was no surprise that my stressed energy was shaping my experience and just begetting more stress.

When that realization hit me, that was it. I decided a delay was necessary because I knew I wanted to enjoy this experience, not just hustle my way to a finish line so that I could, you know, end up checking a people pleasing box or a fear of judgment box. Those are no longer badges of honor that I want to wear willingly. 

So I decided that I wanted to delay, but to do so with an energy that was transparent and understanding. I connected with each guest and told them of my decision and invited them to voice their concerns and even have their interview removed from the podcast. I felt so good about that decision, y'all. I felt like I honored myself and my needs, and I extended my hand and my heart to my guests. I mean, they had a right to feel frustrated. I set expectations and was changing them, and that's why it was important for me to give them an option, a sense of choice in the decision. If they didn't wanna deal with the delay, they could just pretend the interview never happened. I would've been okay with it. But you know what happened? Not one of them bowed out. Not one of them had a negative thing to say. Not one. 

The takeaway that I wanna offer you all here is that we all have the potential to fall into stress reactions, default patterns of behavior that likely fly just beneath our own radar.

That's exactly what happened to me. I justified my actions in all kinds of ways in the beginning, all while missing the real root cause. It can happen to all of us. Life can be hard. As mothers, we have a lot weighing on our heads, hearts, and hands, and we can often live in a constant state of stress and don't see that there are other options available to us.

I'm glad that I caught myself and I chose how I wanted to move forward. I hope you always know that you can do it too.

[00:06:54] Marketing Intro: Lack of Clarity
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Tina Unrue: Number two, the marketing intro. This is another topic that is somewhat of an extension from episode 13. The lack of a standard description of the podcast at the beginning of each episode is what I consider a marketing intro. I didn't include one because I felt such uneasiness about it and I couldn't get clarity on it in time for my new launch date. 

This was a selfish effort for a few reasons. One, I used to allow myself to wallow in states of confusion and overwhelm and I used it as an excuse for indecision or inaction. Now, obviously that was subconscious. It was not a willing decision to do that. 

So for example, the old me would've told myself that a marketing intro was necessary and used the lack of it as being a sign that I shouldn't release the podcast yet. It's so crazy to look back and see how my subconscious controlled and protected me from growing and evolving, and not just the old me, but you know, right here in this experience.

And perhaps I'm still going to continue to do that, maybe even for the rest of my life. I don't know. But I like to think the better I get at catching myself and increasing my awareness, the less powerful my subconscious will be. So the fact that I didn't allow my lack of clarity with this one facet of the podcast to hold it up was a big deal for me. The fact that I didn't let the, the lack of clarity for a marketing intro be what stopped me from releasing was huge.


[00:08:46] Marketing Intro: Perfectionism/Comparison
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Tina Unrue: Along those lines, I'd say another way in which the marketing intro struggle served me was in my relationship with perfectionism and comparison. Again, I'm a newbie at this, and so I had done my research. I had listened to a ton of other podcasts, and most of them had marketing intros. And the ones I really like and admire had the same intro from their first episode to the most recent. That intimidated the crap out of me. I was blown away by their seeming clarity from the get-go and what they wanted their podcast to be.

In this respect, it was such a self-growth win for me to not get caught up in the perfectionism of it all. I am not perfect. I won't ever be perfect, and I wanted this podcast to be an example of what it looks like to go after something despite not having everything figured out or fearing that it's not as good as it should be.


[00:09:49] Marketing Intro: Decision
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Tina Unrue: The final way in which the marketing challenge served me was that once I decided I'd move forward without one, without a marketing intro, I had to get over my fears of criticism about why the podcast lacked one. I did that. It took me some time, but I did it. But then once I was in the final editing process and assembling the podcast, I knew it needed something at the beginning to bridge the quote and the primary content, and that's when the idea for a quick intro from my daughter came to mind.

And I find that is a significant growth experience for me that you may benefit from as well. When I wallow in confusion, it's kind of like a vortex. It just keeps me spinning in it as if there's no way out. But once I made the hard decision to move on without an intro, I felt free. I was able to release the pressure to quote unquote figure it out and eventually the idea that came to me about my daughter's minimal statement, it just came to me easily. I don't think that would have happened had I been still stuck in the, I-need-to-figure-it-out mode. The energy of being stuck was too low to allow things to come freely to me. I was too focused on figuring it out myself, instead of allowing it to be somewhat of a, a dance and co-authored experience, if you will, between me and the universe. 

So the takeaway is to make a decision and know that you can always change it later. Even propose to the universe, okay, I'm gonna put this aside, but in the back of my mind and with my highest self, please give me ideas and send me ideas, and I trust that they'll come at the right time. Making a decision, allows us to keep moving forward with what we can, and we have to know that we can pivot as we go, and we'll do so likely with a clearer mind and way higher energy. 


[00:12:20] Guest Insights
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Tina Unrue: Okay, the last takeaway from the season is the guest insights. It is definitely last in this episode, it is by far not the least of the gifts that I got from this season.

In episode 12, I shared that most of the guests were strangers to me and why that was essential for this podcast. But for my selfish reasons, I learned so much from each one of them. From discussions about parenting and self-care to confidence, intuition, and more, each and every woman that I connected with shared a piece of herself with me and with you.

They vulnerably shared their stories of how they came to their own self-awareness, of their struggles that they had overcome to do so, and they gave some sage advice that's helped them on their journey. To all my guests, I offer my deepest set of gratitude. I could have released a podcast without you and without your stories, but I didn't want to. I am deeply honored you took a chance on this newbie and stuck with me through the twists and the turns of me exploring this new adventure. You've changed me and I'm better for having met you. 

Today's episode just ties up the season with a beautiful bow. I am so proud that I dared to be selfish by releasing this podcast.

I am celebrating my alignment and presence to be and feel at choice as to how I experienced this journey and how I allowed it to shape me in my growth and becoming as a human.

All too often women compartmentalize their lives. Business or career is separate from parenting, which is separate from our own self-growth, which is separate from our marriage and friendships and more.

And I'm here to say that I have learned to derive more meaning and fulfillment from my life when I see myself as the common denominator of it all. I am the central thread that ties all the seemingly disparate parts of my life together, and they all have an influence on who I'm becoming and what I dare to do next. And the same is true for you. 

I encountered a variety of challenges along this podcast journey. I had reasons to doubt judge and criticize myself. I even had a significant family emergency that would have been an incredibly valid reason to pause the middle of the season. But the struggles and the joys of this experience should not remain limited to just the podcast.

They transcend it and they impact me, not only now as a podcast host, but as a business owner, as a mother, as a wife, as a human. 

All that I overcame and accomplished in this pursuit further developed characteristics like resilience, confidence, and ambition. Can we say that word here? Of course we can. And of course, characteristics that we cultivate, show up in all aspects of our lives. 

I launched the podcast because it's been a calling on my heart for a few years. I finally decided to do it, despite not knowing how it would all turn out. I gave myself permission to do it messy. And man, was it messy. And a lot of that mess I've now shared with you in this reflection trilogy from the season. I hope that this season has helped you see that you matter and that all that matters to you matters.

And I believe the best gift that we can give to others is our most genuine selves, and more often than not, we must dare to become her. So mamas continue to dare to be selfish. I know I am. And I will do so in season two. I hope you'll join me. 

If you enjoyed this episode, I would be deeply honored if you would leave us a review, share the podcast, rate the podcast just so that other mamas who might need to hear this message can find it and maybe get the same benefit that you did. Thank you all for being here. Thank you for daring to be selfish, and we hope to see you next time. 

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Tina Unrue

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