Selfish Mama Matters

1.04 - 4 Steps to Reconnect with Yourself with Natalie Fayman

• Natalie Fayman • Season 1 • Episode 4

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In this discussion, Natalie Fayman shared her 4-step process to help women reconnect with themselves. Whether it be from all the roles we fill and people we serve, or after experiencing struggle or trauma, her process can help get to the core of who we are.

Natalie is a woman who’s constantly reinventing herself. After more than 3 decades as a veterinarian, exhaustion and burnout forced her to reconsider her future. She was overweight from a lifetime of managing her emotional distress with food. So she found a Life Coach to learn how to get control of her emotional eating. What she actually learned was how to become a calmer, happier, less stressed-out person... and the weight loss happened all by itself.

Natalie realized that Coaching changes lives. When the pandemic arrived, she saw her
opportunity and entered a coach training program. After completing her certification she found the next level of her coaching education: Positive Intelligence. This program transformed her understanding of the uniquely human behavior of self-sabotage, and gave her the tools to change it.

Now, with years of training and decades of experience in a high-stress career, Natalie is on a mission to teach others how to live calmer, happier, and more stress-free lives. She wants all women to learn how to quiet the voice of their self-judgment and rediscover the amazing person they were truly meant to be. As a certified Positive Intelligence coach, Natalie’s mission and inspiration is teaching women to meet life’s challenges with resilience and positivity.

Guest: Natalie Fayman

Host: Tina Unrue

Natalie Fayman: You don't have to wait until the end of your life to start making those choices. It is never too late to start living the kind of life that inspires you and a life that you won't have regrets about later. 

Welcome to the Selfish Mama Matters Podcast with your host, and my mom, Tina Unrue. 

Tina Unrue: ​Natalie, thank you so much for being here on the podcast with me. You and I talked a lot for podcast preparations, and I am thrilled to be able to talk to people about having your guidance for kind of finding themselves again and having a better sense of self because it is an important topic for, it feels like this time in our lives for, for just a lot of people.

So before we get started, please introduce yourself, share your pronouns and share with us, if you're willing, how you show up in the world. 


[00:00:56] Intro
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Natalie Fayman: Absolutely. Thank you so much for the opportunity to speak to your listeners. It is a pleasure and an honor, and I really hope that they get some, some useful good tidbits out of this today.

My name's Natalie Fayman. I am a certified life coach and my pronouns are she and her. Um, the way that I show up in the world is that I really value my personal integrity and my authenticity. I, I really don't have a lot of patience for other people who, who live behind their social masks. And I really, I, I try not to show up as anything other than who I really am because I want people to see the real me so that it's their decision whether they decide they wanna be around me or not. Because if if they see the real me and that does not appeal to them, I don't wanna have the responsibility of pretending to be something that I'm not, just to keep them around. 

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm. 

Natalie Fayman: So I, you know, I, I may not have a huge social circle of friends, but the people who are there, I know, I know they're there for the right reasons and I know that I can rely on them because they see me warts and all, and they're still there.

Tina Unrue: Yeah. 

Natalie Fayman: So it's just a much more easy relationship. 

Tina Unrue: Yeah. I, I, I mean, I love that answer because here at Selfish Mama, everything is about authenticity. Everything is about who we are at our core and, and all of our selves. Our past selves, our current selves, striving for our future selves. All of it.

And so I really love what you said because why strive to have relationships with people that are based in some type of falsehood. 

Natalie Fayman: Exactly. 

Tina Unrue: You know, it's just not worth it. It's not worth it. 

Natalie Fayman: It's an energy drain and I, I gotta conserve my energy as I'm getting older.

Tina Unrue: Lots of moms can, um, can attest to that for sure.

I can tell obviously that authenticity is, you know, a huge thing for you, which makes a lot of sense then, um, that you're gonna help walk us through a process to help women kind of reconnect with themselves and reestablish maybe that baseline of who they really are. And so before we get there though, why is this important and valuable topic for you to discuss with us today? 

Natalie Fayman: Well, one of my newsletter subscribers had actually written me a letter recently and, and she said, and now I'm reading her words, I'm playing catch up from taking care of so many others. I need to get back to my own identity as well as my self-esteem. And I read that and I said to myself, isn't that just the story of all of us?

Because I don't know anybody that can't relate to, to that experience. And I, so I, I just think it's just a really important, and especially in, in these day and times when, when the things are happening in the world that are happening, it is so important to stay grounded and to have that strong connection with who we really are.

Tina Unrue: Yeah, I, I agree with that. And, you know, kudos to her for reaching out to you and kind of you know establishing that rapport with you to be able to say, this is how I need some support. You know, can you help me out? So I think that's fabulous. And I also, I don't know if this is your experience or not, but my experience is that, you know, motherhood used to be this role where we had to be completely 100% selfless. We gave up everything for our kids and then we were only able to come back home to ourselves when our kids left the nest. 

Natalie Fayman: Mm-hmm. 

And I feel like it is a slow adoption possibly to, to where we are now, which is mothers trying really hard to find a balance of giving themselves permission to be and exist in the world as themselves and also find ways to still be that selfless mom, and, and prioritize their kids, um, when they need to, 

Natalie Fayman: mm-hmm. 

Tina Unrue: when they want to. Right. From a place of, of love and not obligation. 

Natalie Fayman: Yeah. Yeah. But like this is, this is something that has just really, I, I, I see it and I hear it so often. We are practically raised as women, we're practically raised from birth to be caretakers of other people. 

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm. 

Natalie Fayman: And we are taught to put everyone else's needs ahead of our own, to the point where we feel like we're being selfish when we take only five minutes for ourselves. 

Tina Unrue: Yes. 

Natalie Fayman: But that just, that leads to exhaustion and burnout and frustration. And that's, that's not the person that your kids deserve to have as their mother. 

Tina Unrue: I, I, you can shout that from the rooftops anytime you would like to come on the podcast and say that. Um, absolutely. It, it is. Uh, you know, I can only attest to it because it was the, it was the journey that I traversed as well and realizing that I was pretty much setting my daughter up for believing that motherhood was also supposed to be selfless, and that she was not supposed to exist, in essence, is what really made me change my method. That lens of motherhood, being able to see it through her eyes or the potential for what she was seeing really changed my vantage point and, and gave me the space to be able to prioritize myself as well as her.

No matter where moms are in their space of life right now, if you are resonating with this, I want to welcome you to this discussion and to Natalie's process for being able to reconnect with ourselves. Because no matter if we have littles or if we have grown adult children who have already left the nest, I think we can all understand what it feels like to kind of feel like we've given so much of ourselves that we need a, uh, a jolt to come back home. 

Tina Unrue: So let us know what we need to do first, Natalie. 


[00:07:18] Our identity is NOT what we do
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So, as you've already started describing, we, we just define our whole identity by what we do for other people. Yeah. And so we put these labels on ourself like, I am a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a teacher, I'm a lawyer, whatever it is.

Natalie Fayman: But as you, as you already said, kids will eventually grow up and move away. Your spouse could leave or pass away. You could lose your job, you could become disabled. And if you define your whole identity and your whole purpose in this world around what it was that you we're doing for other people, then when those things are, are gone, it's no wonder people feel so lost and confused and, and don't know where to go from there, especially after you've lived that way for years or decades.

So I think the thing to remember is that those things are not what you are tho, those are things that you do. But when you define your self worth by what you do, it's only a matter of time before you can't do it anymore. And then you're, you're left there trying to figure out what am I worth if I don't have kids or a spouse to take care of anymore?

Who am I if I'm not the person who gets up and goes to work every day? Um, this was illustrated me very clearly if I could tell a personal story. Um, I, I've been a student of the martial arts since I was 14 years old. And I just, I fell in love with it because it just made me feel so strong and capable and it gave me confidence when I really needed it, and I didn't have any, and it was just massively empowering. And I just love the feeling of being able to do hard things that not everybody else could do.

And so I, I was going to the dojo five times a week for most of my adult life, and it just became who I was. But then inevitably I'd have an injury or the dojo was shut down for two years for a pandemic, and I couldn't train and I, I realized I, I got severely depressed anytime I couldn't go to do the thing that I love doing.

And so then I found myself eating to make myself feel better, and then I gained weight, which just made me feel even worse. And I, I just realized my whole identity is just so tied up into being a martial artist that when I couldn't train anymore, I literally felt worthless because I had to find myself entirely by what I could do, and I couldn't do it anymore.

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm. 


[00:09:32] Process of rediscovering yourself
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Natalie Fayman: So what I realized is, what you do is not who you are. But why you do it can be a big clue to figuring out who you really are. So, if, uh, if you or your listeners would like to get out a, a pen and some paper, I'm gonna take you through the process that I use to rediscover myself, and hopefully it'll be really helpful to everybody else.

Tina Unrue: I am ready. 

Natalie Fayman: All right. 

Tina Unrue: I'm selfishly going to do this. 


[00:09:59] Step 1: Positive qualities
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Natalie Fayman: Excellent. All right. So, So for, for step one, however you have defined your identity up until today, whether it's wife, mother, teacher, coach, whatever it is, write down what personal qualities about yourself made you really good at doing that. 

So, for example, what do you have a kind and generous nature? Are you, are you really good at being focused or organized? Are you a big picture thinker who doesn't get derailed by distractions? Are you a creative problem solver? Anything about you that makes you good at being who you think you are today, put that on your list. Now, some people, you know, we're all our own worst critics.

Some people have a really hard time seeing their own strengths. Because the things that we are really good at, the things that come so naturally to us, sometimes we don't even recognize those as being special, but other people do. So if you can't think of something about yourself that you're proud of or that, that you're really good at, think about what other people compliment you on.

Or you can also, if you have some time, you can ask 10 of your friends and family, people who you know really care about you, what they think your top three superpowers are. And their, their answers can be really surprising and really touching because we just, we, we, we are so good at discounting our gifts and downplaying the things that make us special, but other people can clearly see that.

Tina Unrue: Yeah. So I have mine listed and obviously there's not a whole lot of depth here because, you know, I'm kind of doing it on the fly. 

Natalie Fayman: No problem. 

Tina Unrue: Um, but I want to thank you for bringing up the fact that it can be challenging for us to know what our strengths are. And sometimes if we're being honest, sometimes what we think is a strength, other people may not necessarily see that as a strength.

Not to say that they would indicate it as a weakness. It's just like it is not what they would use to characterize you through their lens . And so that's why it's so incredibly valuable for us to be able to even have trusted relationships where we can ask someone. What do you think I bring to the table of our friendship, of our relationship, whatever it is in strength.

Like what do you appreciate that I offer to the world? And here, I think this is one of the most important parts, believe them. 

Natalie Fayman: Absolutely.

Tina Unrue: Believe them. Right? 

Natalie Fayman: We're so bad at taking compliments when somebody says something nice to us, we're like, oh, no, no, no. Really not. You know? And then we make a whole list of excuses why it's not a big deal.

Tina Unrue: Exactly. 

Natalie Fayman: Stop doing that. 

Tina Unrue: Yes. Thank you. All right. So I have four things. 

Natalie Fayman: Okay. Circle your, your three favorite. 

Tina Unrue: Oh, my three favorite.

Okay. 


[00:12:50] Step 2: Resiliency qualities
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Natalie Fayman: All right. So here's step two. 

Tina Unrue: All right. 

Natalie Fayman: So, um, draw a line under your, your first list of things and start a new one. 

Tina Unrue: Okay. 

Natalie Fayman: Think of the worst time in your life or one of the hardest things that you've ever had to face. What are the personal qualities about you that helped you get through it? 

Tina Unrue: Okay.

Natalie Fayman: Determination. Your ability to stay focused on your vision for the future. Did you draw strength from your love of family? Whatever it is, what helped you get through the worst times in your life? And just like you were describing a moment ago, don't talk yourself out of anything that pops into your head.

No matter how trivial you think it is, don't downplay your own gifts. Just write it down and pick your top three. 

Tina Unrue: Okay. I have three. 


[00:13:32] Step 3: Emotions in a flow state
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Natalie Fayman: All right, so draw a line and we'll, now we'll go on to step three. So make two columns and think back to a moment in your life when you were just really immersed in passion and joy and flow. Whatever it was that you were doing, what, what was it that you were doing?

And in the column next to it, write down specifically the emotions that it made you feel when you were doing it.

Tina Unrue: So I have to think about what I was doing and the emotions it made me feel when I was in flow.

Natalie Fayman: Yeah, this is gonna give some insight as to where your passion and your inspiration are.

Tina Unrue: Okay.

And is there a limit here to like how many emotions? 

Natalie Fayman: Not at all.

Tina Unrue: Or, okay. 

Natalie Fayman: Whatever you feel called to put down there. 

Tina Unrue: Okay. 


[00:14:25] Step 4: Future self guidance
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Natalie Fayman: Okay. All right. And the last one, if you can close your eyes and really immerse yourself in this one. Imagine traveling forward in time to meet your wiser elder self. Clearly see yourself as you might be towards the end of your life. Still healthy in mind and body, having lived a truly satisfying and fulfilling life with no regrets.

Now, when this version of yourself sees you, she smiles and embraces you, and she invites you to sit down and talk with her. You can ask her anything you want, so ask her what is truly important for me to pay attention to in my life, and what could I spend less time and energy worrying about? Now remember, this is the version of you who has lived a truly fulfilling life with no regrets, so listen to what she tells you, hear it without judgment, and don't react with a bunch of reasons why it's not possible or it's not realistic. Just take it in and write it down.

Tina Unrue: All right. I don't know if I did it right, but we'll see. 

Natalie Fayman: Of course you did it right. There is no wrong. 

Tina Unrue: I knew you were gonna say that. 

Natalie Fayman: You can only do it, right. 

Tina Unrue: You can't mess it up. 

Natalie Fayman: So now you have a pretty solid list of things that describe you at the core of who you really are. You can see the strengths that have helped you to become who you are today.

You can see the gifts that helped you through the darkest times and the biggest challenges in your life. You can see what fills you with passion and inspiration before life started to drag your spirit down. And you can see what's really important at the most essential heart of your true self. So now we're gonna put it all together and we're gonna make something that's called an I Am statement.


[00:16:12] Creating I am statements
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Natalie Fayman: All right. So if you're ready,. I'm gonna have you repeat after me and then fill in the blanks. 

Tina Unrue: Okay. I'm saying these out loud? 

Natalie Fayman: If you feel comfortable. 

Tina Unrue: Yeah. Is that what you said? Okay. I'm just making sure I'm not writing these down. Okay. 

Natalie Fayman: Okay. 

Tina Unrue: I'm good. 

Natalie Fayman: All right. So I am someone with strong values of something from list one. 

Tina Unrue: One or all three?

Natalie Fayman: As many as you feel compelled to share. 

Tina Unrue: Okay. Um, leadership and problem solving. 

Natalie Fayman: Awesome. From list two, and I am capable of incredible blank. 

Tina Unrue: Persistence and resourcefulness. 

Natalie Fayman: Amazing. From list three. I am someone who thrives on

Tina Unrue: Alignment. I think alignment and fulfillment. 

Natalie Fayman: Okay. And from list four, the things that fill me with purpose are

Tina Unrue: Meaningful relationships, including the one with myself and being a mom. 

Natalie Fayman: That is beautiful. So once you have clarity on who you really are and what pulls you forward towards your dreams, now you have the ability to choose what you wanna do with that. That, that the, the final question where you're talking to your wiser elder self, I think really what I would like most, what would like your listeners and, and everyone to realize is that you don't have to wait until the end of your life to start making those choices. It is never too late to start living the kind of life that inspires you and a life that you won't have regrets about later.

So all those gifts and those strengths that you just wrote down, those are, those are inside you. They always have been. But for some of us, they're just buried beneath decades of self-judgment and focusing on things that aren't helping us. But it's, it's really important to remember that we all have that deep wisdom inside us and we just need to let ourselves hear it.

Tina Unrue: So true. Thank you for that. 

Natalie Fayman: You're welcome. I have, uh, another, uh, if we have, if we're okay on time, I have another contribution that might be helpful for some people. 

Tina Unrue: Sure.


[00:18:30] TW: Reflections of traumatic events 
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I I wanted to, I wanted to say that no, no matter what has happened to us in the past, we get to choose what we wanna learn from it and how we wanna use that knowledge as we move forward into our future. 

Natalie Fayman: So, even stressful or traumatic events, they, they have powerful lessons to teach us. But if you focus on the emotional pain that it caused you, you end up re-traumatizing yourself every day. If you can find one thing about that situation that helped you change in a positive way, you can actually use that to grow stronger over time. And that's the concept of post-traumatic growth. You've probably heard of that before. 

Um, I can tell you a story from my college days. Um, I was engaged to be married with somebody that I had been with for over five years, and I'll call him Alex for purposes of this story. 

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm. 

Natalie Fayman: Not his real name. 

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm.

Natalie Fayman: I thought he was perfect. You know, I thought that I was so lucky to be with him and, you know, I just couldn't believe my, my good fortune. The only thing that really bothered me about him was every time we would have an argument or fight about something, he would just get up and leave and go drive around for a few hours.

And then he would come back whenever he felt like it, and he would've just assumed that I would've forgotten all about whatever we were fighting about and everything was gonna be hunky dory. And I'm like, no, we didn't fix anything. So that was like the one thing that I really couldn't stand about him, but I was like, well, you know, in the grand scheme of things, I'll count my blessings.

Well, my, uh, junior year of college, we decided to, um, to go on a hiking trip in a national park that was about a thousand miles away from where we were. And long story short, um, we had an argument a thousand miles from home. And the next thing I knew, he threw all of my belongings out of his car and got in his car and drove away and left me.

Tina Unrue: Oh my God. 

Natalie Fayman: And I had put all my trust in him. I had just assumed that he was gonna take care of me. I just didn't even really think about making sure that I had what I needed in case I had to rely on myself. And I had to find my own way home with $30 in the bank. Um, there were, there were nights when I actually slept by the side of the road in a sleeping bag.

And, um, it was freezing cold and, um, it was definitely one of the most traumatic, it, it was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me in my life. 

But, you know, I made it through. And looking back on that, I, I realized that I could have taken away from that experience ideas like people always abandon you. You can't trust anyone. You can't depend on anyone. Or men suck.

Tina Unrue: Right? 

Natalie Fayman: What I chose to learn from that was the importance of self-reliance. Trusting other people, but always making sure that I have a backup plan in case I have to rely on myself. And also it gave me a lot of insight on how to figure out what people are really made of.

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm. 

Natalie Fayman: so that I know how far I can trust them with something as fragile as my heart. Because I realized, looking back at that, that, you know, we had been camping and hiking and we had blisters, and we were cold, and we were tired. And I realized it's, it's really easy for someone to be who you want them to be when they're warm and comfortable and happy and have a full stomach. But when you, when they're uncomfortable and cold and tired and grouchy and things are a little stressful, that's when you're gonna see if they're really gonna stick by your side or how they're gonna treat you in a situation like that. 

Tina Unrue: Yeah.


[00:22:16] The power in owning our stories
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Natalie Fayman: And I realized, you know, I had been telling myself a story about how I wasted five years of my life, but better five years than 30.

I mean, what if I had married him and had kids with him and then 30 years down the road I get a cancer diagnosis? And then he decides at that point, well, I'm done with you. See you later. 

Tina Unrue: Right. 

Natalie Fayman: You know, when I really needed him, he wouldn't have been there for me. 

So I actually feel like I should thank him for showing me who he really was.

And so now I realize that, you know, if, if I'm in a relationship that I think might be getting serious, but I really need to know how much I can trust this person, um, you only have to look as far as how they treat you when you have an argument to see who they really are.

I have become such a much stronger and more resourceful and resilient person that I, I like myself so much better today than I would have if I'd become the person that I was on my way to being before that happened.

Tina Unrue: Hmm. Such a profound learning, certainly in retrospect. You, you don't plan for those types of things to happen. And I don't think any of us know how we would, uh, respond in that moment. It's, it's such a beautiful thing to be able to look back and really have incredible gratitude for such a difficult experience. 

We make room here on this podcast, as I would hope that most coaches, if not all coaches do, to be able to allow someone's experience to be exactly what it needs to be 

Natalie Fayman: mm-hmm. 

Tina Unrue: at any given moment. And you, in retrospect have mentioned the meaning that you've applied to it, but that is exactly what it is in retrospect, right? Like in that moment you are in a stressed state and your mind is processing how to survive, and I just don't want people to take away from this like, oh yes, in that moment you should just figure out how to be thankful for being left on the side of the road, you know?

So it sounds like in the re-traumatizing that you referenced, it was in the story you were telling yourself about the event and what it meant. Am I understanding that correctly? 

Natalie Fayman: It took me, it took me years to see anything positive out of that whole experience because I'll tell you, when I was freezing, laying in a sleeping bag by the side of the highway, by myself, there was not any positive thing that I could see about that whole situation.

Um, and it was, it was probably a good five, six years later after just victimizing myself every single day, reliving that whole experience. Just like, just like a PTSD patient, re-traumatizes relives, that experience every moment of every day. It became my story. It became who I was, and I did not want that to be who I was.

I, I refused to be a victim every day for the rest of my life. And so I, I just, I had to take a step back and just look at that whole experience and realize it forced me to become a stronger person, to become more self-reliant. It forced me to grow skills that I didn't even know that I had, that have served me well moving forward in my life.

Okay. So it, it did take me a very long time to see anything positive in that, but now looking back, I honestly would wouldn't change it for anything. 

Tina Unrue: Wow. I think what you're sharing is a testament to perspective and intention, quite frankly. Because you had the intention to be able to start to have a different experience when telling yourself that story, right?

Natalie Fayman: Yeah. 

Tina Unrue: And being able to reframe it or even just ask yourself the question, you know, what can I take away from it? What meaning do I want to apply to this experience that is more empowering and yeah, self-serving for a lack of a better term, right? But how can I make this work for me? Is there anything I can do to make this work for me or think I should say, not do, to make this work for me. 

Natalie Fayman: Thank you. It was exactly the same motivation I had when I started studying martial arts because I had heard a statistic somewhere that one in four women will be assaulted in the course of their life. And I, I was just thinking to myself, I don't want that to be me.

I don't wanna be a victim. So I took responsibility for learning how to keep myself safe. And when that situation happened with my ex-fiancee, I just had to realize one day, five, six years later, I don't wanna be a victim and this isn't gonna be my story for the rest of my life. 

Tina Unrue: Hmm. Powerful stuff. 

I think it's such a beautiful, circle to come back to what it means to be selfish.

It's so applicable, I think, for the discussion because in all of those moments, whether it is after tending to other people and needs and expectations that you realize that you've lost yourself, or whether it's after like a traumatic event or you just don't even know what you're going to be doing anymore or what you're even capable of doing. Maybe your capacity just completely changes. I think the questions that you've asked us can serve people in really the toughest of times so that they can come back to themselves when they feel ready, and start kind of reestablishing that connection and moving forward. 

Natalie Fayman: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every experience that you've had in your life leading up till now is building within you the skills to handle whatever's gonna come next. 

Tina Unrue: I completely agree. It all compounds without a doubt. 

Thank you so much for sharing that process with us. I think a lot of people will have a lot of benefit from asking themselves those questions and, um, putting it into I am statements. I think it's wonderful.

If there is one takeaway that you want to leave with people, that are listening, what would it be?

Natalie Fayman: It would be that it is not selfish to take care of yourself. It is an obligation if you want to be able to take care of the people that you love. It starts with taking excellent care of yourself because you're no good to anyone else if you're exhausted, frustrated, resentful, and burned out. You, the people that you care about don't deserve that version of you. So to give them the best of yourself, you have to set boundaries so that you make time to take care of yourself and nurture yourself and fill your cup so that you can fill theirs. 

Tina Unrue: Yes, yes. So in closing, what would you say is mattering most to you right now in this season of life? 

Natalie Fayman: I have, I have really recognized within myself a tendency to do exactly what we were just talking about, give, give, give, give until I'm completely fried and exhausted and have nothing left for myself.

So it's only now in the season of my life that I'm realizing that my time is now, and it's not selfish to take care of me because that's what everyone else is doing. And I don't have an unlimited amount of time to keep putting off the things that fill me with joy, the things that make me happy, the things that I find fulfilling.

And so I am, um, I am taking a step back from swooping in and saving people on a daily basis. 

Tina Unrue: Mm-hmm.

Natalie Fayman: And I am just letting people struggle a little bit more and figure things out on their own so that I get the joy of seeing them learn and grow. It's so much faster and easier for me to just do something for somebody than to show them and watch them struggle and watch them make mistakes, but it doesn't teach them anything.

You know, it only makes them dependent on me if I keep swooping in and being a superhero, and I don't want people to depend on me. I wanna see them grow their own confidence and their own skills. Yeah. To me, in, in, in this time in my life, that to me is much more gratifying. 

Tina Unrue: I love it. I love it. So thank you so much for being here and 

Natalie Fayman: Thanks for having me. 

Tina Unrue: Yeah. And for sharing your process with us. If people want to reach out to you, how can they find you? 

Natalie Fayman: They can find me on my website, which is nolimitscoachingnow.com. Um, there is, um, a button at the top. You can book a free 30 minute session if you'd like to talk to me about anything. And there's also, uh, towards the bottom of the page, there's a button if you wanna send me a message. I would love to hear from you. 

Tina Unrue: Awesome. Well, thank you again. It's been a pleasure. 

Natalie Fayman: It's been a privilege. Thank you so much, and thank you to all your listeners. 



Tina Unrue: I have a feeling that Natalie's four-step process is really going to resonate with a lot of moms. We tend to feel like we are constantly missing the bar. That we are not enough when it comes to pretty much any role that we play in our lives, but especially motherhood. 

And I feel like Natalie's four-step process really gives us the opportunity to stop and define what we bring to various roles are actually strengths. Things that we appreciate about ourselves. And, you know, she said that it's normal, you know, for a lot of us to discount our strengths. 

And so, if you don't feel like you have anything positive to consider, whether it be in motherhood or any other role, please please know that is not true. And please find your circle. Whether it's friends, partners, family, colleagues, someone. Because they will tell you the strengths that you contribute to various roles in your life, and just quite frankly, just as a human being, because that's really what this four-step process is meant to do. Right? It's meant to bring you back home to yourself. To see that no matter what you are doing in your external world you are always with yourself, you are always bringing yourself to each and every role, each and every experience. And so Natalie's process really just helps you kind of uncover the basis of you. 

And her story that she shared of past trauma with her fiance was just heartbreaking. I'm so glad that she's able to look upon it now in reflection and see how she was able to navigate that experience and come out on the other side as uh, seeing it as something positive. 

And, you know, I just want to take this moment to reiterate again that she didn't say that she saw it positive, obviously in the moment. And so if you are in the midst of struggle, if you are in the midst of trauma, if you were in the midst of processing trauma, we are not suggesting that you find something positive. Perhaps somewhere down the road you will find something positive. But not everything has to have a silver lining. Some things are just crappy. And if there's nothing positive that comes as a result of it from your perspective, even after processing the trauma, that's okay. 

But I am hopeful that everybody listening, no matter what, is getting the support and the attention that they need in order to navigate whatever needs to be healed from your past so that you can really truly connect with yourself. 

So I hope that Natalie's story and her process helped you. I found it really a fun experience to do, even though I did it really quickly during the podcast. Take time with it, really sit with it. Give yourself that gift. 

And of course Natalie's information is going to be in the show notes and drop her a line. Tell her what you thought about the episode. And of course, you know, that I would like to hear what you think as well. 

if you enjoyed this episode, I would be deeply honored if you would leave us a review, share the podcast, rate the podcast just so that other mamas who might need to hear this message can find it and maybe get the same benefit that you did. Thank you all for being here. Thank you for daring to be selfish, and we hope to see you next time. 

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Tina Unrue

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