Selfish Mama Matters

1.00 Intro

• Tina Unrue • Season 1 • Episode 0

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Tina introduces herself and shares why she's starting the Selfish Mama Matters podcast, why she's doing it now, and why you should listen. She covers the need to redefine what it means to be selfish and that it's not mutually exclusive of selfishness, but rather a gateway to it. Listen in to learn what she believes it means to be selfish and why it can be so beneficial to you and your kids.

Host: Tina Unrue

Tina Unrue: I definitely want to dare to live my life more like myself, an intentional self, one that I create out of love and possibility and potential than I do out of fear or feeling like I have to constantly sacrifice for others. 

Welcome to the Selfish Mama Matters Podcast with your host, and my mom, Tina Unrue.


[00:00:25] Intro
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Tina Unrue:  Hello everyone. I am so excited that you are here. I am so excited that I am here. I am so excited that we are here. I have been wanting to do a podcast for years now, and I'm stunned that this is actually happening, and so just bear with me as I, lean into my excitement just a little bit.

I am really excited to jump in and share with you what this podcast is all about and why me, and why now, and why you and, and all the things. But first, I think before I can do that justice, I need to tell you a little bit about myself, uh, because the background matters. So first of all, my name is Tina Unrue.

Hi, and I am otherwise known as Selfish Mama. I am a Gen X mom to a teen girl. I am stepmom to two incredible adult women and grandma to their four little amazing kids. I also am a dog mom to lab who thinks that she's still a puppy, even though she isn't, and I'm happily married to the most amazing partner of more than 20 years.

He is just simply incredible. And I'm a life coach. I am a coffee and carb lover, an avid reader wannabe and, uh, an amateur photographer. Yeah, that's, that's pretty much me. So you kind of have a holistic view of me. And so now I feel like now that you know a little bit about me, I can explain the why me part of this podcast and more about Selfish Mama Matters.


[00:02:25] Why Me
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Tina Unrue: For the sake of brevity, I went through my own transformation, when I became a mom. I think it's fair to say that a lot of us know to anticipate transformation within our motherhood journey, but the one aspect that really shocked me was the role it played in helping me come home to myself.

I like most people, had really gone through life in essence with blinders on. Um, and you don't realize that subconscious programming and, and past traumas and hurts and circumstances create the way that you show up in the world. And, and I certainly didn't. And so for the better part of my daughter's younger years, I was just hanging on by a thread, trying to find work life balance and all the hacks and the things that would just somehow make life easier and make me feel more centered and grounded in this motherhood journey.

I know that they say that there is no handbook in parenting. And I still completely, of course, agree with that. But at the same time, this journey has taught me that I only needed myself. It doesn't make all the decisions and all the parenting easy, but it definitely has been easier since I've leaned on myself, since I've come home to myself, since I've dared to be selfish.

And when I became a life coach, that experience coupled with just the ongoing experience of motherhood, it just transformed how I showed up in the world. I no longer looked outside of myself for all the answers. I no longer was on a wing and a prayer with every single thing. I started to get really intentional.

I started to look at my past. I started to look to the future. I started to really create my life instead of just exist in it. And I think that's really important for you to know at least the short version of my story because when we look externally for the answers, at least when I was looking externally for my answers, it really was representative of the fact that I was just disconnected from myself.

I had been conditioned to look at everyone else as having the answer, to trust everyone else but myself. And I really, really want this podcast to be something that you can lean on. and also, myself because I'm still on this journey.and this podcast can serve us both in regards to just helping us continually come home to ourselves.

And so, I feel called in this podcast to be able to share the stories and journeys of my own and also other women who have dared really to be selfish. 

So I'm really excited, um, to just be here with you today really, and, and share what's helped me become a happier version of myself and certainly a, a better parent. So that's why me.


[00:06:08] Why Now
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Tina Unrue: Why now? I think the short answer is why not now? I don't think there's a better time to show up. I have felt the calling to do the podcast, like I said, for the better part of the past few years.

And the desire just kept surfacing. And what I've learned about myself is that anytime a desire keeps resurfacing, that means that it needs attention, that it needs to be done. And I've learned through connecting with myself that I was too comfortable in setting goals for the future.

Someday I'll get to it. Maybe one day I'll do it. Well, when the kid is out of the house, it'll be my turn. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to have more time. And I'm certainly not saying that there aren't times when we do need or choose to sacrifice. I think that's just a normal part of motherhood.

And in fact, not even just motherhood, but any relationship. But in my experience, it's all too common for us to feel the weight of judgment when doing anything for ourselves. So, it's really less about the someday, and it's more about this kind of undercurrent of judgment that we fear from others because we think that someone else will say something about what we're doing. Or just ourselves through our conditioning, we feel like if we are not the selfless mom, if we spend any attention, time, energy, money on ourselves, then that is selfish and selfishness is 100% never allowed. And it certainly isn't the definition of a good mother. 

And I think the time is now for you and for anyone else with whom this resonates to really start to question what that looks like, because there feels like this shift that is happening in motherhood.

Moms are starting to kind of push back on all of the weight of expectations and the burdens placed on our shoulders. And we want space to be, we want space to live our lives and not just exist in it, but truly to play a part, to be in our lives, to be reflected in our lives. And that's what selfish parenthood, Selfish Mama is about, really and paying attention to all the things and people that matter for us. Not just feeling like we have to give up ourselves, be selfless all the time in order to be a good parent. 

So I'm excited to start with you now, not someday. 


[00:09:09] Why You / Who Should Listen
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Tina Unrue: Why you. Look, I know that this podcast won't resonate with everyone that is, quite frankly, as it should be. Not everything in the world resonates with 100% of us.

That's what makes this planet unique and interesting. And so if this resonates with you or at least peaks your curiosity, great, continue on. And if it doesn't, if it revolts you, great. You can turn it off. It is completely cool that this serves you or doesn't in whatever season of life you are in. 

So for me, selfishness is now just a way of life. I absolutely love it. And let me just say too, that selfishness and selflessness are not mutually exclusive. In fact, since becoming selfish, it has led me to the most beautiful and authentic selflessness that I have ever had. It has been the best gift, not just to myself, but to my daughter, and quite frankly, to all my friends and my family, everyone that I love, because I am truly showing up as me, less all of the pretenses and all of the conditioning and, and the beliefs that I held onto from my youth. 

And so if you are a mom, who is into personal development, then this podcast is for you. If you are a mom who is experiencing lots of chronic stress and you're just seeking a new approach to reduce that stress and just become more of yourself, this podcast is for you.

If you are a mom who's interested in being more intentional in life and in motherhood, this podcast is for you. And, um, if you are a spiritual seeker, meaning that you believe or at least pondering the possibility of the, the fact that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, then this podcast is definitely for you.


[00:11:33] What You Can Expect
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Tina Unrue: So what can you expect from listening to this podcast? Well, in short, I personally believe that selfishness is what we're called here to do on this planet. And of course, I do not mean being selfish in the typical way that it's been defined, but rather going back to the root of the word. If you break it down, the word selfish simply means a likeness to self.

Right. Self is clearly what it is. Self and ish just means a likeness to, or a similarity of. We, we say all the time, something's ish book we're bookish. Uh, we're amateur-ish. Um, it's yellow-ish. It's similar to, right? Forget the slang usage of the word ish. Just going back to the root. That's what I believe it means, and it just means a likeness to self.

And so at the end of this human existence, I believe that we'll have to account for ourselves and what we chose to do with our time here on Earth. And I definitely want to dare to live my life more like myself, an intentional self, one that I create out of love and possibility and potential than I do out of fear or feeling like I have to constantly sacrifice for others. When I want to sacrifice for my loved ones or my friends, you better bet I'm doing it out of a sense of fullness of myself. That means I have so much to give that that is why then I'm being selfless. Because there is, there's just so much that I have that I want to give to others. And my experience with selflessness, especially within motherhood is that the expectation is that we just continue to deplete ourselves further and further and then continue to give even when we have nothing left to give.

And look, I know that there are times and situations where we do need to give when we don't have anything. And I'm not saying that that's gonna go away by being selfish. I'm not. But what I'm proposing is that the, the feelings of obligatory selflessness, of being resentful when we don't get to make time for ourselves that obligatory manner of putting ourselves on the back burner, that we have more of an opportunity to reduce those instances of selflessness and really have permission and can create the permission ourselves to, to do life different, to do it on our terms. That is what selfishness means to me. And so the more that I fill my cup, the more that I can choose to give, and from a very whole and centered place.

But selfishness can be messy and uncertain and sometimes scary. But it's a road that I would prefer to travel than perpetuating old, outdated, societal and sabotaging beliefs that no longer serve me in my adult life, and certainly not the vision of motherhood that I want for myself, nor want to give to my daughter.

There's this quote by Dr. Daniel Siegel that says, the environment creates the mind and then the mind creates the environment. And that left such a mark on me because it accurately reflected the transformation that I started years ago and continue to navigate to this day. Of course, it I'll be on this journey until the day I die.

I was the, and in his statement years ago. I was that space in between my mind being driven by its past and my desire to create a new reality, one that served me better in all aspects of my life. To me, this life is calling us to embody Dr. Siegel's statement. It is the constant awakening to that which we are telling ourselves and allowing to drive us on a subconscious level to bring it to our conscious awareness, and then actively choose whether we want to keep it or change it. The short version of that is I believe we are our purpose.

I don't believe that we have a purpose external to ourselves. This podcast is not my purpose. Any company or job that I've done in the world is not my purpose. At the end of the day, it's all gonna come back to me. The ways in which I chose to live my life and who I chose to become in this life.

It certainly may manifest in external ways. This podcast might be one of them, an external representation of my purpose because I am really doing this podcast for me. It has been a calling on my heart and I made whatever excuses the past few years for not doing it. And now here I am finally doing it. 

And so time will tell why I felt called to do this. I don't know the reason yet, but I do know that I'm showing courage right now in doing this. And I'm just super excited too to share so many stories and things with you all to help you on your homecoming, to help you navigate your purpose, yourself, your life, and your experience of it in this lifetime, in this human experience that we all get to, to share together.

So I mentioned the guests, and my own journey. You're gonna hear how they navigated their own transition in life where maybe there was a catalyst moment that made them shift to selfishness, or maybe it was just their own intentional doing. 

The stories regardless are pretty powerful, and I cannot wait to share them with you because I am not a unicorn. They are not unicorns. You are not a unicorn. Yes, we are all unique, but there's nothing quote unquote special about us in the way that we're doing our life. We are all feeling a sense of purpose and meaning and connection with ourselves and those that we love and the things that matter the most to us. And we want the same for you. 

And so sharing these stories and sharing, just different tips and information that can help you on your journey home, we are confident that it is going to help you cultivate more meaning and purpose in your own life, and certainly help you in your relationship with your kids without a doubt.

So this transformation that I have been on and that the guests have been on have all been one where that external drive and focus for answers and needing to control and fix or change just shifts and it, and it becomes inward prioritizing ourselves and taking ownership for how we show up in the world and in our relationships.

That transformation does require self-care, but it's also so much more than that. It's, I would argue, a spiritual awakening more than anything else. And it's the realization that we can unlearn what we've been taught or what we've somehow been programmed or conditioned to believe, and that we can make our own rules and live a life that's truly authentic to us. And I'd argue that that's likely what we all want for our kids too. So if we want it for our kids, if it's a good enough dream for our kids then it's a good enough dream for ourselves right now to model for our kids. 


[00:20:23] Podcast Details
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Tina Unrue: So some of the more particulars that you can expect about the podcast.

Uh, the episodes are gonna drop weekly on Tuesdays, and the podcast is going to be seasonal. My daring to be selfish includes intentionally creating more margin and breathing room and balance in my life. Purposely building in a time to pause and reflect after about three to four months of episodes feels right to me.

And so, you can expect somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 to 15 episodes for this season. It's going to probably end sometime in April, and then I'll take a pause and then we'll see when I start again. 

Even though I have controlled myself today, mama's got a potty mouth at times, as do some of my guests. And so if you are sensitive to foul language, then you might wanna skip the episodes marked as explicit. I am daring myself to get better though, so hopefully I'll keep the, foul language in check for the majority of the episodes. 

And the final aspect is that you can expect my complete and utter imperfection. I struggled with perfectionism, both as an adult and in the early years of motherhood. And it was such a gift to give myself finally the ability and permission to adopt a new belief that I can suck at something. That it's just, okay, I can suck at something, it's just not my thing. And that I can also suck at something and choose to get better at it if I want. We wouldn't tell our kids that they have to be great at everything, that they would have to strive to be the best at everything. But yet somehow we expect the same of ourselves. And so you might hear me mess up. You might see or hear editing issues. This is my first go at this and I'm completely okay with learning on the job. 

Alexander Pope said, to err is human, to forgive, divine. And it, I really feel like that's the epitome of selfishness to me. It's simply acknowledging that we're on a journey of self-discovery. That's what this life is about, and we can give ourselves grace and permission and the space to be exactly who we are in any given moment because anything else, quite frankly, feels like a disgrace to our soul. 

With that, I'm gonna thank you for being here, for listening all the way through my introductory episode. I am both excited and nervous to see where this goes. 

If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be deeply honored if you'd consider rating the podcast, leaving a review, and or sharing with other mamas who might need to hear it. 

If you want more of this content, please consider signing up for my newsletter. I'll drop the link in the show notes. DM me. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn. Contact me and let me know what you think about the podcast and share ideas. If you wanna hear something, please let me know. I'm daring to be selfish and to make time and space for what matters most, and I hope you will too.

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Tina Unrue

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